I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize