I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
