smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
