Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
