ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
