It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
