i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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