just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
