he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
