You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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