at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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