Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
