this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
