I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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