just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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