I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
