I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
