so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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