I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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