i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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