K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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