The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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