stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
