in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize