I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
