I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
