He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
