Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
