The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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