Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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