I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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