those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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