she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
