i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
