Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
