I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
