our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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