Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
