Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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