Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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