Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
