No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
