Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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