I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
