For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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