And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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