god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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