I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
