Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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