I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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