Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
