I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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