Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
