I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
