I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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