i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
