it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
