My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
