I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to align my fucking chakras
false alarm, still single
Randomize
