I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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