we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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