nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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