All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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