you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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