Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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