i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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