This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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