before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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