I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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