What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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